Wednesday, February 6, 2013
D&C ( Dilation and curettage)
I was reading a random story and it happened to be about abortion. Well to me it's a touchy subject because even though I don't agree with it, I have friends who have had one and I don't judge them or hate them for it, on the contrary I offer them a listening ear and prayers for healing. For some women an abortion is a way of birth control, like an easy breezy.. " Oh just another abortion".. now THAT irritates me to the core. I have some friends who had medical reasons for it and I understand why they would chose to follow through. As much as I don't understand why anyone would want to take the life of something so beautiful inside of you, but I have not been in those shoes and situation they were in to judge in any way. So back to the story ...she was a young girl raped by her own father and she was pregnant with her sibling, being young and inexperienced about pregnant she found out when it was just too obvious and far into her 2nd trimester. That has to be the most terrible situation to be in. She was given the choice to give up the baby for adoption, but sometimes adoption doesn't always have a happy ending like we like to think, some children are in a waiting list for years and are abused by foster parents. Those things are never told. Anyway... She went through and had an abortion. She described about the procedure she had and it was a D&C ( dilation and curettage. I have had 2 D&C's myself but not for abortion, on both cases my babies had no heartbeat and my body was not doing it's job to naturally expel the babies, so on both cased I needed the procedure done to avoid infection. On my 2nd D&C my baby had one week already that she had passed, so there was many concerns about me getting an infection for having a dead baby that long inside of me. Well the first one I was in the ER, I was already bleeding and they did everything with me wide awake and with little pain killers, I felt EVERYTHING! It was the most horrific experience ever in my life, they did an ultrasound, found the sac was detaching already and they put a suction thing, I felt everything. It was HORRIBLE. They finished at 2AM and I took a cab home..... ( My husband was there with me and my son who was around 2 yrs old, I had told him that the ER was no place for a baby and I told him to go home so my son could sleep. I was in both physical and emotional pain. I could not believe my baby had died and I was devastated. I cannot imagine how a woman having a live thriving baby would go ahead with such painful procedure by choice. It was horrible. My 2nd D&C was also after the baby's heartbeat had stopped and the baby measured a week behind. I remember for this one, the day before I was torn to the core after finding out about my loss, among all the emotional downward spiral, that day the hospital was so busy I spent all day waiting for a spot in the OR for me to have it done. after finding out my baby had passed around 10-11ish AM.. I was in the hospital by noon, and at almost midnight I was told to go home because the only spot was for 7AM. so we went home. That night all I remember was crying myself to sleep. the next morning I went to the hospital and of course 7AM came and I finally got in at 2PM. I was in a waiting room with an IV on me, I remember as I sat on the chair, there was a hindi girl in the same room. She looked very sad. I think maybe she was there for the same reason or maybe an abortion ( since the procedure for both a miscarriage and an abortion is the same) I didnt say anything, just cried, didn't care she saw me.. she was crying too. the time came where I was in a wheelchair and was wheeled to the OR. As I lay on the big bed ( the operating table?) the nurse there read my file, touched my arm and said "Im so sorry". I was crying more, I said to her " While many are ok to stop a beating heart right on this table.. my soul weeps for one who stopped on its own"... she said " I know."... the surgeon came in and I had something put in my IV and I knocked out. I saw the huge light fade away .... then ( I guess when everything was done) I slowly saw the light get brighter and brighter and the nurse was gently slapping my cheek so I would wake up. She said " we are done, you should be ok now." ok?... did she say I would be ok?.. I felt awful!!... I wanted to cry until my guts spilled out.. I wanted to scream as hard as I could.. I wanted to die. I put my hands on my tummy.. my baby isnt there anymore. This is it. bye bye sweet little angel ( I said in my head) .. and I cried more. My head and eyes hurt.. every tear that came out of my eyes hurt. ( from crying so much) my face muscles hurt from crying. it was too painful to even cry. I spent a few hours on a chair again and was given some bread, butter and juice. like I was in the mood to eat. that day it was pouring. I've described before that it was raining that day.. and as a matter of fact it was also raining on my 1st D&C also. ( I think God was crying with me). the week after I was physically better.. but emotionally I was worse than a mess. It's been years since and I still remember the darkness and pain of those moments in my life. I don't understand how anyone could do this knowing their babies are alive, I just couldn't... even if I had a pregnancy with a baby with a million issues I would continue.. and let the baby pass on it's own inside of me.. peacefully and feeling loved. I would never attack any woman for having an abortion I understand in certain circumstances all the fear, maybe a rape, incest... just horrible things that we just won't even understand unless we are in those shoes. I know one thing for sure.. in my case no one understands me better than the women who have had a miscarriage before. Therefore I could never judge a woman who has had an abortion because I have not been in her shoes. But I cannot lie that this is how I feel.. I don't understand and hope I never am in the shoes.. of a woman who would willingly stop a beating heart.. something I would give EVERYTHING to see... and 6 times I've had the heartbreaking news that my baby didn't make it alive. I wished those babies were mine.