Finally I can sit down here and write what my Healing moment felt like before the memories get hazy. March 23rd 2011 just a day from my scheduled c-section. That night my husband and I tipy toed to my sleeping son's bed...he was so angelical sleeping so soundly. My husband put his hand on my belly.. and saw that I was crying. Finally.... sigh... FINALLY we see the day all this heartache and horrible battle was over! 1 more day..no just a few hours and I would be in the hospital delivering our 2nd miracle we longed for so long!
That night while my husband slept anxiety had me up all night long, as I lay on my bed I just cried. I was so afraid this was all a dream and I would as usual wake up to my harsh reality. It was surreal, Im having this baby I've been aching to hold for so long.
Ever so slowly the morning of March 24th arrived. Surprised I fell asleep I jumped from my bed and was surprisingly ready in about 20 minutes! lol
at 6AM We dropped off our son at my neighbor to take him to school we were to check in at the hospital at 7AM. I waddled to the elevator to the the L&D with my hubby. The nurse came over to put all em tubes and stuff on me. After I was all set and ready we waited for the Dr's signal and start our c-section scheduled for 9:30AM. Well 9:30 came and we were still waiting. The Dr came in and told us there was an emergency c-section going on and if we could wait a little longer. We were ok ..but anxiety kicked even more!!
Finally at 11AM I walked to the OR.. I had my epidural done and there I lay on the bed. My husband came to sit behind me a few minutes later and the Dr said "Let's do this"!
My husband held my hand.. the baby wasn't born yet and I was already crying. Nervous and scared. I was very numb and only felt the Dr moving me around if that makes any sense like a pulling feeling. The Dr and the nurses were chit chatting away as they "dug in my guts" lol.
Finally.. I heard something.. a yelp.. then a short cry...then it progressed to a steady loud crying. SHE'S HERE!!!!!!! 11:23AM the Dr shouted!! My husband was kissing me and teary eyed, he moved aside to give way to the nurse who carried my baby. WOW... my baby. I saw her upside down and she was just PERFECT!! I cried.. I cried so much!!!! I kissed her.. for the first time. ( tears rolling down my cheeks as I type). My little Hannah.. our miracle, I felt this love. This love I had bottled up and it burst! I just loved her so much and she was a few seconds old! I would give my life for her!!!
They took her behind me to do all the tests and things they do to newborns. My husband yelled 7 pounds 12 oz!!! 20 inches long!!! WOW!!! My little miracle!!!
My Hannah Victoria!
Once they closed me up and had me in the delivery room I was surprised to see my husband walking towards me with our baby in his arms. The nurse walked in stripped her down to her diaper and put her in my chest.
WOW.. her warm body sent this amazing warm loving feeling through my entire body. She's here..in my arms.. my husband and I just looked at each other with a grin, and I could tell in his eyes he too was relieved all this heartbreaking journey was finally over!
I will NEVER forget the hardships I had to get "here" and I made it a personal mission to reach out to those who are still fighting. I gave up a MILLION times yet I managed to go back and try again. I hope my story gives hope to those fighting, the wait is long, the things we are put through are painful and tough, and the failures crush you to the core, but our miracles are worth our fight, and even if treatments fail over and over again.. we manage to stand up and FIGHT again!!!.. I know Hannah is worth everything I went through, I pray that even if it took so long for me, that all my friends fighting finally experience the amazing "Healing moment". Its something worth fighting for!
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you.